IISER Does Matter!

It was muggy afternoon in Kolkata and I was waiting for my friends jay and vikas in Park Street. 
 Park Street is most perky place in Kolkata where you can discern newly arrived expensive cars and latest Bollywood fashion due to mushrooming of food-joints and dichotic. ‘It’s better to grab some KFC Grilled chicken than to wait under scorching sunlight’, I thought and I went inside Park Street’s KFC. I took corner table because I wanted to catch sight of street. 
 I am a KFC freak, especially spicy Grilled chicken maniac so I went to counter to order some more. On my way back, I saw a hot lass with luscious lips and alluring eyes was standing near my table. Her figure-hugging red top and skin-fit black jeans were flaunting her flat stomach and gorgeous legs. Her frizzy brown hair was neatly tied in a ponytail behind her back which was barely reaching her shoulders. I came at my table and said,” Excuse me, I am already here can you sit on some other table”? She simpers and glances around but all tables were occupied so she asked coquettishly, “Can I share your table for few minute”. I said, “ya sure, it’s my pleasure”. Although I feel distressing in front of classy and comely girls but I want to sit with them. I had no idea what I should say at that moment but I collect my courage and said your fish shaped earing is mind-blowing. Is it she said and asked,” What you do”? I feel vulnerable when someone asked this question still I answered,” I study in IISER-Kolkata. She frowned and fires a lot of queer questions like what is this, where is it and many more. After my irrational answer finally she asked,” How is it different from BSc. ”IISER’s course structure is different and it teaches integrated approach of science”, I said. “Can you explain integrated approach with some example”, she said. 


 In BSc. Exam Question comes….. 


What is your name? (10 Marks) But In IISER’s exam Question comes….

What is your name? Design a control experiment which can prove ‘your name’? Write Hamiltonian for your name and deduce ɸ function for it. Write a chemical reaction which will give ‘your name’ in one step. Integrate ‘your name’ with the help of contour integration. Write a python program which will give number of vowels and consonants in ‘your name’. Prove ‘your name’ is known from Precambrian era. (0.25 + 0.5 +0.5 +0.5 +1 +0.5 +0.25 Marks). 


 After hearing all this jargon she didn’t ask a single question about IISER but we discussed another 15-20 minute about Humid Kolkata. She was ready to leave so I spell out my number avoiding the probability of being embarrassed, alas! she still left me in awe and a bit of embarrassment……all i can recollect is the cute wink and her heart shattering words “ Am poor in science and by choice”. Thus ladies and gentlemen, was discovered “THE IISER EFFECT”.


Vote for me now! Blogomania 2012

Leading Rape newspaper TOI

I am avid reader of Times of India since my 1st year of college life, sometimes I don’t pick my girlfriend’s call while reading a Chetan Bhagat article in the editorial page of TOI. Even the first application Installed on my newly brought feature rich Samsung Android phone was TOI. Though I don’t like Kolkata based obese and dusky model, still I glance Kolkata Times every day. So there news contents and correspondence are proverbial for me at least for Kolkata issue. I didn’t abdicate my faith on TOI even after losing the battle of filthy brand war with Hindu. 
It is a misanthropic statement but someone has to say that TOI has become rape newspaper. I have been seeing rape news on the front page of TOI since last 10-12 days. Now police are able to crack 7-8 months old rape cases. There are various explanations for this but the simple one which come in my mind is one high profile rape case. Why do media, police and government awake up when high profile comes? Why do we middle class have to wait always almost for everything? I couldn’t answer these questions but I need answers. 
According to NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau) the crime rate of rape has been decreased by 10 % compare to last 2 year but TOI is unearthing it like only rape is occurring around us. There are reasons why I am writing all this bullshit, our hostel groovy gossips has inclined on rape cases. Some of my friends are researching on different methods of rape, after research they come up with new idea of rape. It is unintendedly influencing our acumen. 
Please don’t subjugate yourself on the basis of ungrounded argument ‘freedom of press’. Actually, the constitution of India does not specifically mention the freedom of press. Freedom of press is implied from the Article 19(1)(a) of the Constitution. But there are some restrictions that are provide under the Article 19(2) of the Constitution. But editor sir had forgotten article 19(2) in the era of commercialization. Please put some respect at least for constitution of India.

Vote for me now!

LUST is pure not LOVE!

Last week, I was feeling little dismal so I decided to call my friend Alka. I called her but she didn’t pick up as usual and she called me back after 10 minute as usual. I didn’t ask about call because I knew she will explain it in nitty-gritty form. I asked casually to just start the conversation, “How was your Valentine day”. It’s a standard question which I ask to every girl in expectation of some kooky answer. But her answer compelled my inside to ponder over guy’s mentality and real meaning of ‘I love you’. “Ah! Valentine’s Day fever is still on, for god‘s sake please put off this question for next year. I was sick of seeing heart shaped things and red color things everywhere. Even dessert comes in heart shape, brown chocolate become red how commercial! I had stopped reading the newspapers, magazines and even your blog a week before the gush-fest only because commerciality of love. Last year my ex-boyfriend had gifted me heart-shaped mouth freshener then I had said that transfer your head in heart shape. Thank god, Condom companies doesn’t sell condom in heart shape packet. I find this array of love depressing. I abhor the idea that love has to be celebrated on particular day. Seems like farce. In my teenage I didn’t feel same way. Those days’ heart shaped and red color things turned me on and I avidly welcomed these things but now I hate these flaunting” she babbled. “I get it you want to say you have grown up” I quipped to subjugate her. “I know you are thinking I am cynical but actually I am not. I am hostile to the “L” word. I prefer the other L word. L-U-S-T…it’s more pure, isn’t it? Let me explain. When you guys says I love you what it mean. The meaning is simple I want to get into your pants and it is absolutely cool. Lust is lust; it doesn’t disguise itself to make it acceptable. It is pure, unadulterated and can’t be faked like love. Lust has never broken any hearts. It has no side effect except joy” she lashed out. After that I had no guts left to enquire any further on this taboo topic. Then we discussed on Eurozone crisis and at the end she said that “on 14th February I was delivered a bouquet of pink roses. It is the color of friendship, so I am accepting it because no matter what, we shall always remain friends. “Love you, buddy. Vote for me now!

Valentine Week: Verve

This is the time when the whole world celebrates love except some dogmatic supporters of RSS, Shiv Sena and SIMI (Students Islamic Movement of India). Anyway we can ignore them, can’t we? This is the only issue which gives them podium to flaunt their feckless power, but this isn’t the appropriate time to discuss the filthy politics. It’s time for exchanging heartfelt greetings of love, affection and ecstasy and a rejoicing time to spend with ones you love. Shit! How can I forget 70 percent of Indian male between ages 20-25 are single like me but don’t worry you can also delight in this week, only you have to follow certain steps.
\
  Here we go. Remember all your infatuation and select most stunning single chick among them. That will be your target.

  7 Feb- Rose Day Buy 12 or 24 beautiful red rose bunch in heart shape from local shop or you can order from Valentinesday.indiangiftsportal.com or Floraindia.com and write a sweet note on a red paper with some romantic quotation, sent it to your target. Of course she will like it and she will think you are expressing your love with flowers because ‘it best way to express your love to your beloved.’
  8 Feb- Propose Day You have done enough on 7 for feeling. Today you have to lose your wallet and buy pretty penny gift and profess her to your lady. If she accepts your proposal, then gift her commitment ring as well in true Bollywood style. After that she will be all yours. All the best!
  9 Feb- Chocolate Day Being in a relationship means you need to be nice and sweet with your gal. What better than to start your date with lots of chocolates, whose sweetness will increase the charm in your relation. I assure you!
  10 Feb- Teddy Day Teddy bears are always cute and they are loved by all lovey-dovey couples. Don’t forget to pamper your target with a soft toy. Girls cuddle the teddy if they miss us in hours of loneliness.
  11 Feb- Promise Day Love and relationship brings lots of commitments and promises. Don’t try to escape from all those promises and come clear on fulfilling them for it boosts the emotional bond between the couples. So make some promises which keep yours' girl happy.
  12 Feb- Kiss Day KISS-from Guys point of view this is the only romantic thing of relationship. Now comes the ‘Kiss’ Day on the 5th day of Valentine week. Plant a kiss on those luscious lips and claim your love. Don’t forget to eat some mouth-freshener!
  13 Feb- Hug Day Celebrate the comfort of each other’s warmth by a big hug. Show to your partner that you love, care and have affection for her. Hug like a “made for each other” couple.
  14 Feb- Valentine Day Oh, most romantic day of the year has come. Hold your partners’ hand passionately and just look into her enticing eyes and try to read it, if she is saying that she will be all yours forever and after then you are the luckiest man on the planet. I don’t think I should suggest further. Happy Valentine Day!

शायर गुनगुना रहा था---------

In Class nine i had written these lines......

कोई शायर गुनगुनाता हुआ,अपने प्रेयसी की खोज में,इन पत्थरों से, इन वृक्षों से उसका पता पूछता है। ये हवाएँ,जो तटोँ पर अपने बहाव का मिजाज बना रही है। वादों और इरादों की कोई जगह नहीं। न पाबंदी न कोई शर्त। जिंदगी की रफ्तार से गुफ्तगु करती हुई। अपनी क्षमता को निरंतर छिलती हुई। निरंतर किसी अन्वेषण की चिराकांक्षा। जीवन कोई कविता नहीं, कोई कहानी नहीं,वो जिस्म और रूह का कतरा-कतरा, जर्द-जर्द पिघलते हुए, संघर्ष की अंतिम पूर्णाहुति है। प्रकृति की निश्छलता अपनी ध्वनि के साथ अहर्निश गति में शायर फिर गुनगुनाता है। कुछ छूटे हुए शब्दों की तलाश है,कुछ टूटे हुए वादों की कसक, बिना इंतजार किसी ‘फासलें बहार‘ का। अपने जीवन के सत्य को पूर्ण करने के लिए,अपने अधूरेपन को पूर्ण करने के लिए,दिशाओं की खाक छानता, जिज्ञासा व आश्चर्य के उच्छल तरंगों से घिरा। चिंतन व क्रिया की संधि पर समय का सेतु लिख रहा था। शायर गुनगुना रहा था----- दर्द की बारिकयाँ थीं, अनुभूति के रेशेदार छल्ले पर सृजन के दंभ की उद्घोषणा कर रहा था। पगडंडियों से उठती हुई,धूल की कहानियाँ,उसके मानस में स्वभाविक विकास का उत्थान कर रही थी,सत्य के कुछ टुकड़े बिखरे हुए थे। समय की हलक में दर्द चुभता था। प्रेयसी की स्मृति,उसके नयनों को, उसकी आदतों को,उसकी जरूरतों को कातर बना रही थी। नम आखों से वैश्विक उत्कर्ष की माँग कर रहा था। वह कर्त्तव्यों के साथ खड़ा हुआ अपने शिविर में जा रहा था, शायर गुनगुना रहा था। Vote for me now!

Republic Day: Retentiveness

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY……

Since my infant I am a patriotic kind of chap. In my childhood, I celebrated Republic Day and Independence Day as a festival. I still remember my ecstasy for these days when I woke up at 4 A.M and without disturbing my mom I polished my shoes with special powder charcoal solution. I took bath with cold water on that chilly and serene morning and I wore my new white shirt and blue shorts. I kept Tiranga in my hand all day which gave me vehement feeling for my India. I extolled songs like “Mere desh ki dharti sona ugle ugle here moti” and I savored with Bengali confectioners’ Jalebi.

In my early age, I believed that India is the eminent and prosperous country and it provide a multicultural, multi-linguistic and multi-religious environment for 1 billion people. My civics teacher used to say that ‘India is the world's most populous democracy and parliamentary republic with multi-party system.’ Since then the word ‘republic’ has actualized deep impact on my emotional brain. But now my conjecture about India has been completely wiped out, only the reliance of word republic has been left with my emotional quotient.

Lost Inspiration

I had a nebulous idea that 'it will end one day', but I had never thought what I will do after that. Anyways, it has fallen apart. What next? I have no source of inspiration now, should I try to find out something or wait for you.
We have argued many times and resolved the strife by long conversation. This time we had no matter of contention, so what is the problem? Either you say or I will wait for God’s message. Is it fair that you are ignoring my 10 calls and 2-3 mails a day since last 29 days and 8 hours?
I came to Delhi to meet you and I waited in Barista near Botanical garden metro station for 4 hours with your favorite Chocolate Doughnut and Espresso Italiano but you didn’t show up. This was prescheduled meeting and I even messaged you, “I am waiting in Barista” which is 10 min walking distance from your new Noida sector 18 flat still you didn’t come. You can’t say you didn’t see my message because after that I changed my Facebook status relationship to single and you messaged within one minute “all boys are same”. You keep a watch on me but ignore my calls, messages and mail just to intrigue me.
I have not discussed any contemporary social and economic topic with anyone since you started to ignore me. My verdant college campus is full with crap word like VSRP, DAAD, JACS, NATURE, project, seminar the list goes long which never fascinated me. Some geeks and nerds get orgasm just after thinking about these words. I don’t want to be like them but the milieu is nagging me to be such a dork. This is my last message to you. Come back in my life or at least just say you are never going to come. You have 2 hours to decide before I start finding my new inspiration…… Vote for me now!